Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
So much rum. So many feels.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize