You're completely useless in the revolution.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
