Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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