It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
