do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
