I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Be still, my beating vagina.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Randomize
