my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
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