Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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