You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
