She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
