I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Randomize
