the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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