Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
