I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Define "chronic" masturbator.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Randomize
