8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Randomize
