How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
