they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
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