Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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