found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
