I wanna bring you to show and tell
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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