exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
And my parents said I crawled through the house
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
