That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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