what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
