dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
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