Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
