Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Randomize
