just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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