The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
