I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I think I sprained my soul last night
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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