i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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