Whatcha textin bout Willis?
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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