Will you blow on my dice?
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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