Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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