i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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