Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
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