It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
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