Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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