Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
