I think im going to throw up on grandma
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
