Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
