He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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