the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
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