I swear she didn't look like that last week.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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