It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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