Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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