I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Randomize
