Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
