Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Randomize
