I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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