JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
