if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
