I'm so fucking centered right now
The maid of honor just puked.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
He keeps bees of course he's weird
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Randomize
