why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
she looked like the before picture.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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