So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
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