if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Found the puke drawer
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I'm both gender and math confused
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
