Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
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