Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
