I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
