It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
I forget how to act sober
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
